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in midle of night… the little boy sees the sky… dark and silence… "rufus", he says…

and he try to read the demos strory… demos diary… a tales of Tamasine Shimizu…

"i am full of energy. i am spirited and boisterous.
i am bold and daring. i am willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
i’mr high energy sometimes gets i’m in trouble. i’m can have a pretty bad temper at times.

i’m tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get i’m excited… which can be a good or bad thing.
i’m have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. i’m don’t stick with any one thing for very long.
i’m have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. i’mr biggest problem is making sure i’m finish the projects i’m start.

i am relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
i am light hearted and accepting. i’m don’t get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what i’mr secret to life is.

i am a free spirit, and i’m resent anyone who tries to fence i’m in.
i am unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
i’m may miss out by not settling down, but i’m're too busy having fun to care.

i am the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
i’m have the whole world under i’mr spell, and i’m can influence almost everyone i’m know.
i’m don’t always resist i’mr urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don’t have as much going for them as i’m do.

i am a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go i’mr way.
And because i’m're so lucky, i’m don’t really have a lot of worries. i’m just hope for the best in life.
i’m're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread i’mr luck around a little to people who need it.

i am deeply philosophical and thoughtful. i’m tend to analyze every aspect of i’mr life.
i am intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. i’m value i’mr time alone.
Often times, i am grumpy with other people. i’m don’t appreciate them trying to interfere in i’mr affairs.

i am usually the best at everything … i’m strive for perfection.
i am confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
i’m have the classic "Type A" personality.

i am wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. i’m're always up to something.
i’m have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle i’m. i’m're very intense.
i’m definitely are a handful, and i’m're likely to get in trouble. But i’mr kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

i am a seeker. i’m often find i’mrself restless - and i’m have a lot of questions about life.
i’m tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. i’m're most comfortable when i’m're far away from home.
i am quite passionate and easily tempted. i’mr impulses sometimes get i’m into trouble.

i am well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
i am solid and dependable. i am loyal, and people can count on i’m.
At times, i’m can be a bit too serious. i’m tend to put too much pressure on i’mrself.

i am very intuitive and wise. i’m understand the world better than most people.
i’m also have a very active imagination. i’m often get carried away with i’mr thoughts.
i am prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. i’m sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

i am influential and persuasive. i’m tend to have a lot of power over people.
Generally, i’m use i’mr powers for good. i’m excel at solving other people’s problems.
Occasionally, i’m do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in i’mr interest.

i am very charming… dangerously so. i’m have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
i’m know how what i’m want, how to get it, and that i’m will get it.
i’m have the power to rule the world. Let’s hope i’m're a benevolent dictator!"

"who the hell Tamasine Shimizu?"…

kembali pertanaan lagi… bocah kecil… semakin mencari jawaban… semakin banyak menemukan pertanyaan… tuan… kenapa tuan… siapa tuan… tuan…

I don’t want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I’ll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
‘Cause it’s true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won’t let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment you know, ’cause I’d bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn’t have so, I won’t let this go
‘Cause it’s true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I’ve come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won’t let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment you know, ’cause I’d bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don’t know what you’re looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don’t want this moment to ever end
Where every things nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won’t let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment you know, ’cause I’d bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won’t let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I’ll hold on to this moment you know, ’cause I’d bleed my heart out to show
And I won’t let go

for my some one…
for my gangster…
for all my socialism comerad…
for my patricia princess…
for all i’d mess up…

demos nightmare;

once uppon a time, there is A little boy, the young demos,,,

he asked his mother "Why are you crying"

"Because I’m a woman," she told him.
"I don’t understand," he said.

His mum just hugged him and said, "And you never will"

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God; and when God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so! easily?"

God said: "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort"

"I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children"

"I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining "

"I gave her wisdom to know that a good man never hurts his woman, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly"

"And finally, I gave her a tear to shed.
This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see: The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair."!

"The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart * the place where love resides."

-
wonderful nightmare,,
so suddenly, mr. demos just sleepy hollow…

The king and his men
stole the queen from her bed
and bound her in her Bones.
The seas be ours
and by the powers
where we will we’ll roam.

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never say we die.

lagu telah dinyanyikan……………………………………………….

kibarkan bendera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Monster’s Love Letter to the Woman".
like a draft for a storybook…

["I've always been watching you"...]
[“From sorrow.”]
[“From hollow.”]

["I've been watching you, to take in everything about you."]
["But instead, everything about you has devoured me."]
["How did I seem to you on the verge of my downfall?"]
["What you gave to me as I crashed..."]
["You left me with beautiful jewels..."]
["The greatest crime one can commit..."]
["Is to take away another's name..."]
["You may have your name back."]
["I return your name to you..."]

[Your name...]
[Is... demos...]
[Now, I am only sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]
[Sad...]

A terrible monster was born.

The Man Who Saw a Demon

[That party went the same way as all the others did...]
[The smell of drinks...  and perfume...]
[Incomprehensible conversations...  Meaningless laughter...]

like pirate says,
".. we not wise, nice, pure pirates… we just the pirates who shared…" and, we sharing…"

Monster,
That Night,
Fond Memories.

[I am a man who has lost his memories.]
[I am a man who has betrayed his faith.]
[I have a dream in which I am chased by a monster.]
[I have a dream in which I am chasing a monster.]
[I am a man who has betrayed his faith.]
[I am a man who has lost his memories.]

Fond Memories

[I am...]

Little Boy: It burned up…
    What did…
    What did Demos see…?
    Something terrible…?
    True horror…?
    And, if I…
    If I had been there at the time…

Demos: Did I become a monster…?

Little Boy: Demos…
    Maybe it’s a good thing it burned down…
    I figured it would be tougher…
    I figured it was more important to me…
    I figured I couldn’t have lived without it…

Little Boy : But, now I don’t feel like that…
    Because all my memories of this place were sad…
    I wasn’t a superior child…
    That made me sad…
    I couldn’t live up to his expectations…
    That made me sad…

Little Boy: Maybe…
    If I had fulfilled his expectations…
    I became unwanted…

Little Boy: If Demos’s memories…
    If Demos’s memories ever come back…
    I hope you remember some fond ones…

Demos: Fond memories…?

Little Boy: Yes…
    Fond memories…
    I wonder what…
    Fond memories are like…

Little Boy: You know what Master said?

Little Boy: If you don’t have nice memories, you should make them…
    Master said we should make fun memories right now.

[Until now, nobody has wanted to watch my plays... But...  I think this one will make people happy...]

[I am a man who has lost his memories and betrayed his faith.]
[I have a dream in which I am chased by a monster.]
[I have a dream in which I am chasing a monster.]
[But, I love to sing.]

[I love to dance.]
[I love to beloved.]
[I love little princess.]
[I love see the dark night hallow sky.]

[Someday, I will have a wonderful dream...]
[Someday, that dream will come true...]

[Someday...]
[I can't think of the rest...]
[I want this man's story to have a happy ending...]
[But...]
[I just can't think of one...]
[I want it to have a happy end...]

[I want a happy ending...]

       [Thank you...]

[The man decided to go on a journey...]

[I do not know what kind of journey it will be.]
[I do not know what awaits him along the way.]
[But...]
[I know that he will continue with strength and perseverence.]
[He turned around over and over, waving his hand.]

[Over and over...]
[And so, he left.]

[To look for his happy ending...]
[Thank you for being an enormous energy^^…]

A Nameless Monster

Once upon a time, there lived a nameless monster. The monster was dying to have a name. So he decided to set out on a journey to find his name. But the world was a large place. So the monster split into two on his journey.

One went to the north, And the other went to the south. The monster who went north came to a village.

"Mr. Wise, please give me your name."

"You can’t give someone a name."

"If you give me your name, I’ll jump into your stomach and make you strong in return."

"Really? You’ll make me stronger? Okay, you can have my name."

And the monster jumped into the golden’s stomach. The monster became Golden the Wise. Golden was the strongest man in the town.

But one day, "Look at me; look at me, the monster inside me has grown this large."

   Chomp chomp, munch munch, gobble gobble, gulp.

The hungry monster ate Golden from the inside. He went back to being a monster without a name.

Then, He jumped into the stomach of Joe the Rotten, but,

   Chomp chomp, munch munch, gobble gobble, gulp. He went back to being a monster without a name.

He jumped into the stomach of Rob the Armstrong, but,

   Chomp chomp, munch munch, gobble gobble, gulp. And once again he was a monster without a name.

The monster went to the castle to look for a wonderful name. There is a young prince.

"If you give me your name, I’ll make you strong."

"If you’ll heal my sickness, I’ll give you my name."

The monster jumped into the boy’s stomach. The boy became very healthy. The king was delighted.

    "The prince is well. The prince is well.", Every one happy in the castle. The monster liked the boy’s name. The young prince. The Young Prince.

He liked living in the castle. So even when he was hungry, he stayed put. Everyday he was so hungry, but he stayed put. But one day he was just too hungry.

"Look at me, look at me, the monster inside me has grown this large." The boy ate the king and all the servants.

   Chomp chomp, munch munch, gobble gobble, gulp.

One day, the boy, the young prince met the monster who went south. "I have a name. It’s a wonderful name." The monster who went south said,

"You don’t need a name. You can be happy without a name." "Because we are nameless monsters" The young prince ate the monster who went south.

Even though he had finally found a name, there was no one around to call him by it.

Demos were such a wonderful name, too.

Do you monster, sir??

   Chomp chomp, munch munch, gobble gobble, gulp.

3 mei, knp>? Mengapa, untuk mengutarakan sesuatu yang sudah jelas kepada seseorang dan sesuatu sesekali dan seseringnya sulit untuk dikatakan. Menjadi enggan dan bodoh menjadi sebuah kebiasaan. Dasar sial. Padahal keadaannya sudah tepat, mungkin menurutku. Tempat yang baik, orang yang tepat dan tentu saja, saat yang bijak pula…

namun, keengganan menjadi hal yang paling mutlak terjadi. Dan terjadilah,,,, kengambangan global lagi, apa mau di kata,,, saat itu telah berlalu,,, sayangnya demikian, dan belum tentu saat seperti ini bisa datang lagi,,,

hey, jika, saaat ini bisa terjadi, mengapa tidak diciptakan keadaan seperti ini lagi. Dengan kesiapan moral dan mental tentunya,,, dan dengan kesadaran juga. Semoga berhasil.

Mungkin ini adalah kutukan,

yah mungkin saja kutukanku,

ketidakberdayaanku,,,

"bukan, kau hanya tidak bersyukur… "

"cinta sejati tidak akan pernah luntur…"
menarik, kalimat yang menarik,,,
suatu ketika, di sendja itu berada pada arah pancaran matahari yang akan tenggelam,,, di Timur, sekilas beberapa orang berbaju biru bertuliskan kalimat tersebut dengan alas putih,,, menarik,,, dengan berbatang rokok yang mereka genggam, dan syal biru kebesaran, mencari tempat aman nyaman dengan view luas,, "kamilah yang memegang tempat ini"

sebelum keriuhan yang tak terkira serta adrenalin yang naik turun serta ubun2 kepala yang mendadak memanas olah matahari senja,, pertarungan sudah akan dimulai,,, kalimat itu menarik diantara kalimat2 keganasan tribun Timur yang kadang memang terkonotasikan keras dan liar,, karena hidup itu keras, JENDRAL!! DARAH kami merah!!! warna kami BIRU!!!,

whatever,, semua tahu bagaimana mengekspresikan sesuatu…, mmm, baiklah, mungkin ini suatu rasa yang melankolis namun energis, yang kadang beraura,, seperti luapan amarah dan letupan kegirangan saat mereka mengambil alih atau terambil alih, … the enormous energy.

mungkin aku sudah berada disini sejak 10 tahun yang lalu, dengan magis yang sama, dengan kekuatan melawan menang yang sama,,,, dengan kebanggaan yang sama,,, karena, cinta sejati tidak akan pernah luntur…. footnote (catatan kaki) dari singgasana dan tempat pembantaian bagi para tamu.. terutama tamu yang selalu membawa kebencian, amarah, kata-kata kasar, cacian, makian, bahkan (semoga saja jangan pernah terjadi lagi di rumah singgasana itu..)… anarki.

tentu the enormous energy itu tidak akan pernah semudah itu hilang begitu saja tertiup angin malam yang perlahan namun kasar mencabik-cabik tulang berbalut kulit tipis ini.
PROLOG.

…
bocah kecil itu datang dengan aral, seakan membawa tombak atau pedang pamungkas,,, karena sang tuan, datang menjadi pahlawan yang terlambat datang,,, seperti kebencian yang tak dapat termuntahkan,,, tak dapat ditelan,, hanya terperangkap dalam tenggorokkan,,, hanya merasa… kemarahan.

sang tuan, telah datang dengan membawa selubung,, selubung bayang2 mata kabut dan asap,,, sang tuan telah membawa kepedihan bagi sang bocah itu,,, ia menyadari sang tuan datang dengan penuh luka, penuh perih, penuh sakit,,, ia terseok-seok berjalan menghampiri,,, ia mengalami pertempuran yang luar biasa mengurah darah, keringat dan air mata…

namun, sang bocah tidak ingin mengerti,, sang tuan pahlawan itu, datang dengan memberi kepedihan. tuan yang membawa sejarah dirinya adalah seorang pangeran dengan kesederhanaan, menjadi tuan penuh kegelapan,, tanpa ampun, tanpa mata, tanpa matahari,,, hanya gulita. hanya bintang berkelip sendiri dibalik bulan penuh malam gulita… hanya bintang yang diasingkan, pergi dari sebuah kesadaran yang menyakitkan dan penuh dengan kepedihan,,, sang tuan sudah berharap tidak ada satupun gubug yang dapat menaunginya,,, apalagi singgasana dan istana,,, ia pangeran tanpa mahkota, ia tuan tanpa hamba,,, ia hanya tuan bagi dirinya sendiri yang berjalan terseok-seok dengan jubah compang-camping hitam-hitam,,,

bocah kecil itu tidak semudah itu menerima, ketidakberdayaan tuannya itu,,,

dan tuan mengerti, arti dari wajah dan darah mendidih bocah kecil itu,,,
perlahan ia berguam,,,
"aku datang bukan untuk dikasihani, untuk dilindungi, untuk dikasihi,,, aku hanyalah tuan bagi diri yang penuh rasa benci dan amarah mengalir dalam darah merah hitam ku ini,,, aku mengerti kebencianmu,,, aku mengakui tidak berdayaanku untuk mengatakan dan berbuat yang sesuai harapanmu,,, aku… tidak ada yang bisa aku banggakan dari ku…" gumam tuan dengan lirih, dan terbata-bata.

"aku… buah dari bapak konstitusi dan ibu pertiwi. anak yang penuh rasa sakit dimana melihat negerinya tercabik-cabik,,, konstitusi yang tidak hormat pada pertiwi,,, kebencianku adalah berontakkan ku pada dunia,,, yang bentuknya kotak ini…"

hey bocah, aku sudah kehilangan,,, maka bisakah kau membiarkan ku untuk ditemukan… ditemukan,,, ditemukan dengan keadaan seperti ini… beruntung bilatung belum keluar dari perih lukaku ini… aku tidak mati,,, hanya kehilangan sentuhan kehidupan,,,

Audite et alteram partem

??? apa maksudmu tuan,,, dengar tuan, dengarkan… bintang itu adalah pemandu, memandu pelayar dan memandu perompak tuan,,, ia memandu pelayar untuk merompak dan memandu perompak untuk berlayar… ku pikir itu sangat naif menjadikan bintang sebagai tumbal segala ketidaksempurnaan tuan,,,

aku adalah kau tuan demos, aku hati kecil mu, yang kau ignored, abandon, abaikan, elakkan,,, aku adalah kebencianmu terhadap dirimu sendiri tuan,,, dan aku akan tetap begitu,,, agar kau selalu merasakan sakit lebih dari apapun yang menyenangkan,, aku membencimu seperti halnya kau tidak ingin kehilangan ku…

aku adalah cahaya bintang dalam kegelapan malam belantara,

aku menikmati rasa sakitmu itu tuan,,, rasanya sungguh menyenangkan,,,

vox populi vox dei!!

ada sebuah email masuk malam itu,, lalu tuan demos hanya menyengkit,, dan,

klik!

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Untuk : dimanapun kau berada

Lama tak bertemu bukan berarti ku lupa.
Berjalan 2500 tahun bukan sebentar, ku harap kau mengerti… sudah sangat
dingin tempat ini sangat asing. Padahal ini tempat kita belajar tapi sudah tak
sama, ya? Bintang merah akan terbenam tak lama lagi. Ku ingin optimis tapi
sulit… jangan takut…. kebenaran yang tak bernama tak akan pernah putus.

Selamat venus; badai akan pasti berlalu

“Proses kelahiran sebuah bintang, di mulai dari suatu awan gas mampat
hingga kematiannya dalam ledakkan supernova dengan meninggalkan puing-puing
berupa tebaran kabut gas…”, kau tahu… akhirnya ku tahu. Mengerti dan
terbukti tentang langit yang tiba-tiba muncul benderang… walau badai. Tidak
ada seorangpun sekarang, yang memandangku… ku hanya puing-puing. Kau tahu…

Ada

yang lebih berarti…
lebih berarti daripada diriku sendiri. Dan berkisah adalah seuatu kesalahan
dengan memdang dunia dengan kotak-kotak…

I’m just being here with my
enormous and contagious energy…

Pahamilah, ini mungkin bukan yang terakhir tapi ini
sudah mungkin berakhir…

Aku telah keluar dari dalam tanah… tervonis… ada
yang menggenggam pena dan bersuara pada dunia tentang ku. Bongkah entah
bernyawa ini… entah akan dikubur dalam-dalam tanah… atau biarkan semesta yang
merengkuhnya, biar puing-puingnya menjadi buih namun tak akan lenyap…

Dengarlah…Aku lelah, aku lelah…. Aku lelah
bersitegang namun kehormatan adalah hal yang paling ku jungjung tinggi…

Oh iya, ku kisahkan padamu ttg

Eugene

, Rose, dan manusia-manusianya. Bahwa
Eugene adalah pria lemah yang tak berotot. Mentalnya terganggu, ia cendrung
membenci orang yang disukainya. Ia berpikir bahwa akan melukai siapapun,
terutama yang ia sukai. Terutama loyalitas pada sahabatnya sangat tinggi. Ia
melakukan apapun agar seseorang itu tidak terganggu, walaupun melukai dirinya
sendiri. Ia jago propaganda. Hingga Negeri
Merah mengincarnya, namun ia seorang (secara tampang ia terlihat SANGAT
tidak terurus-senimanlah, namun kadang sangat modis (elegan) entahlah apa yang
mempengaruhinya dalam berpenampilan) pelukis, aktor, dan seniman yang jenius
dan pengetahuan tentang alat informasi tidak terbatas, ia selalu berhasil
meloloskan diri.

Ia mencari makna hidup dirinya, dengan logis dan
emosional, Hingga ia bertemu dengan sahabatnya… Okto, di suatu

medan

pertempuran (dua
sahabat ini berkonfrontasi karena idealisme mereka yang berbeda) dunia maya.
Eugene di Bandung dan Okto di Praha, hingga mereka bertemu muka secara tak
terduga di taman Stalingard,
Moskow,Rusia. Tentunya Eugene sedang melukis dan Okto seorang fotografer.
Mereka sahabat yang memiliki hati yang sama (tentunya banyak pula orang yang
menyukai

Eugene

dan Okto jarang orang yang menyukainya secara frontal, ia tertutup namun
pengertian). Tidak terlalu diceritakan dengan jelas saja, tapi intinya, logika
emosional mereka terdua selalu tercabik-cabik dia. Namun tidak berpengaruh pada
kerjaan, perjuangan, pembebasan mereka. Okto dan

Eugene

berbeda posisi, namun idealisme mereka
mirip tapi tidak serupa (atur-atur saja). Konflik neninggi saat di Stalingard, pada pameran lukisan,

Eugene

tertangkap oleh
garda nasional merah GNM (apalah
namanya>>), namun ia berhasil lolos berkat hubungan yang erat antara
pihak kedutaan dan militer (lolos yang artinya melarikan diri, saat hendak
dibawa ke penjara). Oktolah sahabat yang mengatur pembebasannya itu, baik
diplomasinya kepada pihak kementrian dan oknum mileter yang membawa

Eugene

(yang pada
akhirnya oknum militer itu ditembak juga oleh Okto). Berkat bantuan Novi juga,

Eugene

berhasil diamankan di sebuah apartemen standar di
tengah

kota

Moskow (tempat yang paling berbahaya adalah tempat yang paling aman).
Intrik-intik ketiga tokoh ini tegang, dan Rose hadir, memperkeruh suasana.
Hingga akhirnya,

Eugene

memperoleh lubang peluru di tubuhnya oleh Okto..

Nb: kulampirkan pula tentang Okto dan

Novi

.

Selesaikan apa yang telah kau mulai… abadikan dan
tunjukkan pada dunia… sebuah hasil dari tinggal landas…).

Dan, aku titipkan padamu…
Duniaku… penaku… asaku…

Jangan pernah beri aku air
mata…

aku tahu arti kepedihan…

sebelum kepedihan itu ada…

selamat
menjadi : akar-akar

-akar-
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hah?
siapa ini?